"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward."
C S Lewis
I’m always shocked a bit when I realize that we’re so close to the end of another year. It’s like suddenly there’s talk about what to have for Thanksgiving dinner and what will Christmas be like.
As we inch closer to December 31, we have choices we can make.
We get to decide how we want the rest of the year to go and how to finish it up.
And how we want to enter into the new year.
Whether it's been the toughest year of your life or you've been able to sigh and say, well, it wasn't that bad compared to 2020, I want you to pause for just a second.
And think about the hard parts of 2021.
Before we can move on to the next step, we have to let go.
It sounds easy, simple. Right?
But when you have a broken heart or you feel crushed by a huge sucker punch life has given you, it is NOT EASY to let go.
Yet I think we know that if we aren’t careful, we run the risk of going unconsciously into the new year, repeating old patterns, hating our lives, creating chaos, regret, and not getting what we really want.
The Japanese have a tradition of taking broken vases and pottery and putting them back together with gold. It’s called kintsugi.
Instead of trying to restore the vases to their original look, the artist highlights the cracks and the broken parts.
In this 400-year-old technique, the artist uses the flaws and imperfections to create another, more beautiful piece of art.
Every break is considered unique.
As a metaphor for healing and viewing our so-called brokenness, kintsugi teaches us about our resilience and our capacity to heal.
We grasp that we are different now yet more of who we really are than when we started out.
How will you decide to view your heartbreak?
You may feel battered and bruised but you got here. You're here now.
How can you see that as you put the broken pieces back together, there is something even more beautiful, stronger in you than before?
Starting the process of letting go
Many will never think about the hard parts of their year because it’s too painful.
But if you’re wise you not only can do it, but you will do it.
Here are some ideas for you to begin the process of letting go:
1. The very first thing that's called for is to allow yourself to feel the sting of it. The awful pain.
Allow the tears to flow, your broken heart to crack open.
Feel the despair.
You might have to do this in increments as it can be overwhelming. You don’t have to grieve all at once.
2. Write about it.
Take your journal out and write. Or type it out. Say it out loud. Record it. Whatever you have to do to let your thoughts about your loss flow through you so that they don't get stuck inside you.
3. Talk about it with someone you trust.
If you have a therapist or coach, now is the time to reach out and process your grief. You don't have to do this alone.
4. Decide how you will let go in the form of a ritual.
I love fire so my way is to burn it. You can read here about how to let go via fire and how to forgive yourself.
Or maybe you just want to light a candle and say, I’m letting go of….
5. Be gentle and kind to yourself.
Imagine if you had just had heart surgery, you wouldn't expect to rush around like normal, you'd rest so that you could heal.
Decide how you will let go, whether it's a big heartache or it's something minor.
Don’t wait until December 31 to do this. Start now with the steps above.
If you really want to dive in deep and treat yourself, join me in my 2022: Your Best Year Yet online retreat on December 11. It’s a half-day retreat designed to help you be able to let go of 2021 and design what you really want for the year ahead. Stay tuned for more details coming very soon!
Fall is a time for us to slow down, to ground ourselves and to nourish our bodies. This retreat is designed to help you stop and listen to what it is you need right now. It's a fun and restorative weekend with mindfulness exercises, morning yoga, an online cooking class with the fabulous Chef Bai, healthy recipes to try at home, meditations and group calls to connect you with other women.