May is Mental Health Month and we all know it's crucial to prioritize our mental well-being, especially as we age. Yet setting boundaries and saying no are things that we may not think of as essential parts of self-care and it can be challenging to know where to start. 

In this post, I’ve created a fictitious woman who like so many of us knew instinctively that she needed some practical self-care ideas to help her prioritize her mental health. 

I’ve named her Effie who has the same name as my beloved maternal grandmother who never stopped giving to others. A woman whose way of living took a huge toll on her as she ended up with cancer. 

Grab a cup of tea, take a deep breath, and let's get started.

The story of Effie 

Once upon a time, Effie realized she needed to take better care of her mental health. She knew that setting boundaries and saying no were important pieces of taking care of herself but she wasn't sure where to start.

She heard about...

“And I said to my body softly, ‘I want to be your friend.’ It took a long breath and replied, ‘I have been waiting my whole life for this."             Nayyirah Waheed

As women, we’re taught from a young age to be dissatisfied with our bodies. We’re expected to fit into an ideal of beauty that is impossible to achieve and have so much pressure placed upon us in today’s society because of it. 

This constant battle can leave us feeling emotionally drained and exhausted…as I know all too well. But instead of continuing this vicious cycle, it's time to put down the weapons, stop fighting, and start listening to what your body has been trying to tell you all along.  

My story is not that different than many of you reading this.

I think about the times I’ve been so hard on my body and how I’ve fought to stay thin because, I too, bought into the cultural expectation that thin is...

Why do we forget that self-care is the most important thing we can do for ourselves, for our sanity, our well-being, and our health? 

If it’s so important, then why aren’t we all doing everything in our power to relax, chill out, and set aside time no matter what happens? 

Years ago when I was in the midst of parenting my teenage sons, I remember my coach asking me, what do you do for self-care? 

It took me a few seconds to blurt out, "uh, what do you mean exactly"? 

She patiently replied, "you know, how do you take care of yourself? What do you do just for yourself?" 

I was totally blank.

I could not identify one thing. Because I was so busy running a household, working in a mental health clinic as well as starting my own private practice, and trying my best to be a good mom and wife.

It was a lot. 

And in the process...I forgot about me. 

Starting my self-care journey

So I began my journey of focusing on myself after that time....

Imagine this scenario: you're overwhelmed, the to-do list is a mile high and you wish someone would come to you and say “how can I help”? 

But you don't really say anything. You just keep it to yourself, sometimes seething, sometimes saying it doesn’t really matter, or it’s easier and quicker to do it yourself. And you stuff your feelings. Or blow up and say things you don’t really mean. 

You might hear yourself say sarcastically, "it would be nice if the people around me (spouse, kids, coworkers) would just pitch in and help."

Can you relate?

Asking for help and support when you need it

Do you even know what kind of help you need? 

There are tons of people, especially women, who aren’t asking for what they want or need. 

Let’s see if you can relate. 

• When was the last time you wanted something but you didn’t ask for it? 
• How many times a day do you ask for help? 
• Are you trying to do...

It might surprise you to hear that one of the best ways to cultivate a hopeful, optimistic outlook is to practice some radical self-compassion. 

Frequently people confuse self-compassion with self-indulgence or even selfishness. But being kind to yourself is just as important as being kind to others, if not more so. 

Self-Compassion Makes You More Optimistic 

Being kind to yourself means you can stop that vicious cycle of self-blame and recrimination. It prevents you from ruminating on past mistakes and builds your resilience and confidence so you can pick yourself up and get back on track. 

When you are kind and encouraging to yourself, your anxiety levels drop, your mood lifts, and you become more optimistic and hopeful about the future.

Cultivate Mindfulness To Be More Self-Compassionate

Perhaps the best way to start your self-compassion practice is to adopt a more mindful attitude to life. Mindfulness focuses on the acceptance of who you are, and where you...

I was raised by a very strong mother and an even stronger grandmother. They did everything. My mother ran a business with my father, took care of him after he had a nervous breakdown, paid the bills, and parented the kids pretty much on her own. 

I don’t remember seeing her take a break except when she worked in our backyard, growing flowers or planting cuttings from someone else’s garden. She was ALWAYS busy. 

Her mother, my grandmother, was equally busy but she had a different style. 

As a farmer's wife, "MaMa,"(as we lovingly called her) milked the cow, churned butter, washed clothes for our family, prepared special meals for my grandfather, and always baked a cake on the weekend for Sunday "dinner" as well as cooking a huge spread for the whole family. 

In addition to each full day, she would drive over to her sister-in-law's house. Aunt Angie was bedridden with rheumatoid arthritis and MaMa would drive to her house to take her a meal, cut her...

When it comes to working on self-care, all of us have different aspects of ourselves that we aren’t fully aware of. It could be personality traits, feelings, or actions.

These blind spots can really hamper our self-care efforts. This is why it's so important to become fully aware of them. Let's look at some of the most common blind spots you may discover with making sure your self-care is in place. 

You avoid conflict

A lot of people hate conflict, but sometimes it's needed to resolve situations. If you tend to avoid conflict, it means you’ll often do or say things you don’t necessarily agree with. This is a common blind spot that can really derail your self-care efforts.

The trouble is, when you give in to others just to avoid conflict, it reduces your credibility. You’ll also find you are frequently miserable due to not standing firm in your own beliefs and values. So, if your blind spot is avoiding conflict, it’s important to address...

If you’re struggling to make healthier changes in your life, it could be that you’re not convinced a change is needed. Many of us are also great at avoiding change. It tends to be something we dread, rather than look forward to. 

However, if you want to live your best life, it’s imperative you recognize when a change is needed. So, how exactly can you recognize that change is needed in your life? Below, you’ll discover some of the common signs to look out for.

You feel lost or stuck in life

Do you feel like you’re stuck in a rut and you’ve lost your purpose? This is a sure sign that a change is needed. Everyone has a purpose, but it isn’t always easy to identify it. Also, your purpose can change as you get older and go through life’s experiences. So, if you feel like your life isn’t your own anymore, it’s time to make a change. 

Your mood is consistently flat

Another sign change is needed is if you find your mood...

Even when you know how important self-care is to your wellbeing, it isn’t always easy to incorporate it into your daily routine. In fact, did you know many people fail when it comes to taking care of themselves?

Let’s look at why people generally fail when it comes to self-care and the main things holding them back.

Self-care is often perceived as selfish

One of the main reasons people fail to take care of themselves is because they feel it’s selfish. It could be that you feel guilty when you take time to focus on yourself. Or you may worry what other people think or that you are a terrible parent for not focusing solely on your children’s needs.

It is a total myth that self-care is selfish. In fact, it can help you to be a better parent, friend, spouse, and relative. The more you take care of yourself, the easier you’ll find it to take care of others. You’ll also show your children the importance of self-care. Teaching them to take care of their...

Clutter. It drives us all mad and if you're like me, the harder you try to deal with it, the worse it gets.

All that extra “stuff” in our lives does harm to our brains and our wellbeing. It’s a hot topic and for good reason. As a society in the western world, and the US in particular we have more stuff than ever before.

Our houses are bigger, our closets are bigger, yet every closet, the spare bedroom, and the garage is full of stuff. There's now an entire industry that’s grown around helping us deal with our clutter from stores that sell organizing solutions, to organizing and decluttering consultants, and even storage units that allow us to keep even more stuff that we don’t have room for. 

Clutter Is A Distraction 

If nothing else, all this clutter and all this extra stuff can be very distracting.

When was the last time you spent more than a couple of minutes trying to find something among all the extra things you’re...